I don't need anger management.
I need people to stop ticking me off. 
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ..
.. now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation. 
The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights".
and am very very wise. 
My people skills are just fine.
It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work. 
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please.
I text back "no"
which is shorter than "yes". I'm going to retire and live off my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.
Even duct tape can't fix stupid ...
... but it can muffle the sound. 
Why do I have to press one for English
when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room
and remembering what I actually came in there for. 
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller. .